I had enrolled in the coaching class for preliminary exam at the Civil Service Academy in August 2009 just to pass time till CAT 2009. My parents were worried that I would become too depressed if I stayed at home. And they were not ready to send me to work. I know now that secretly my dad had wished that I would take the programme seriously. But he also knew that I hated the idea of being a civil servant at the time.
I still remember almost being kicked out as the classes were overcrowded before finally being admitted after taking the entrance test. I was asked to write an essay on 'Why I wanted to be a civil servant'. I had no idea, so I blah-blahed about the Collector coming as the chief guest at the school annual day and being inspired by the respect given to him. My essay, surprisingly, impressed the Course Co-ordinator.
I hated attending the classes. The course had actually started in June. So I was supposed to copy the notes of the earlier classes for all the subjects. After one or two tries, I gave up. There were only a few subjects I liked - Biology, Sociology and History (only because the teacher taking the class was supremely sarcastic and I loved sarcasm when not directed against me!). I attended only two classes in Geography during my entire course. The teacher was extremely good but I was phobic to Geography. 'It causes me to snore'. Chemistry and Mathematics were too simple to sustain my interest. As I had no idea what political science was, I bunked the subject altogether. On top of all these, I would try, daily, to make some silly excuse to escape attending the class. I even got a TT vaccination for a small wound inflicted by the sharp edge of a KSRTC bus door for the purpose. And stayed at home for two days claiming that the pain in my hand was severe.
Of all the weekly tests conducted there, I attended only one. Letters with 'Performance not up to the expected level' made routine appearances. My parents ignored them. It seems that somehow they guessed that I would change my opinion soon.
All these indiscipline on my part was not due to confidence. In fact, I was left crushed and bruised after the CAT 2008 fiasco. My self confidence was at par with the height of Mariana Trench from the sea level. I lived life like a zombie. I saw CAT 2009 as the only way to redeem my self-worth and dignity.
Very slowly, I began to appreciate the classes at the Academy and the beauty of the subjects. Still I could not bear any pain, so I bunked the classes I thought would not sustain my interest. Then I caught a severe flu and was confined to clinic/home for three weeks. In between, there were other interviews for jobs and I was rejected in all those. Life was hell at the time.
Sociology was a comfort, though. I loved the subject, with its twists and turns, crazy, weird customs, weirder theories and the hopelessly wide area of study - the human society. Much different from the dry area of electronics, my subject at college.
Classes ended in December. By that time, I had decided that I would attempt to become a civil servant after I completed MBA from one of the IIMs. I announced my decision to my parents and they smiled.
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