I attended the XLRI interview. My confused state of mind affected my preparation. I couldn't decide which way I wanted to go. After the interview, Jayesh asked me to fill in a booklet. It was filled with questions that would potentially lead to self discovery, if properly used. I used it, not completely honestly, because I was still hesitant to accept the truth. The emotion behind the revenge mentality is a too powerful one to overcome in one go. The pain that the wound caused was unbearable and my thoughts were just aggravating it - still, at that time, that pain gave me pleasure.
K and B interviews had only one day in between them. I attended the K interview. It went well. I bluffed well on why I wanted to do MBA. I had been warned against telling the board about my civil service plan so I kept silent about it. Then came the B interview.
Miracles have a strange way of occuring. The moment I stepped into the B campus, I decided, finally, that I did not want to do MBA for the reasons that were important to me at that point. What made me take the decision, I still do not know and neither can I attempt to explain. But the relief I felt was so blissful, I do not think it can ever be experienced again. I spoke my mind there - in the essay and at the interview. I was sure I would never convert B. It was inexplicable, but I felt really happy after a long time - almost a decade.
Results began to pour in. I had cleared ESE and K. Much against very logical reasoning by many well-wishers, I decided to drop K and join Engineering Services as per allocation. I also decided not to take the civil service preliminary examination in 2010 as I was not prepared. And my sociology notes were missing. So there was no point in taking the test. I would take it in 2011.
A week before the preliminary test, instigated by the comments of a certain cousin of mine, my parents asked me to appear for it. I was shocked beyond expression. The probability of my qualifying was near zero. I had to be a quantum mechanical particle to do it - I mean jump the quantum well. But they would listen to none of it.
My father bought me a Sociology question bank. I bought a CSR yearbook. Studied like hell for one week. I knew about the importance of going through previous years' papers but due to lack of time, I couldn't do it. Till date, the only prelims paper I have seen is the one that I attempted on the D-day.
Right after the prelims, I thought that there was a possibility that I might clear the prelims. That confidence went on a nosedive in the subsequent days, but much against my protests, my parents made me join the Mains programme at the Academy.
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