Desperation

I am feeling like Marvin in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Depressed personality prototype. Just wishing this blog entry would make the entire bad feeling go away.
So my staff decide whom to post where behind my back and everything else before putting it up before me. I have decided to take the guru's advice and am planning to become the nasty boss starting today. I have already started. I am having a terrible mood too. And that has helped a lot in putting on the nasty face.
I am not a nasty person but I really don't want to get the feeling that I am being taken advantage of because I am good.
Today is the end of the softie-me. Planning to be the tough boss.
Cheers to that.
Have to be my own cheerleader in this quest.

No clue

I have always wondered what the titles I give have to do with the stuff I write on my blog. Both are totally random and honestly must be showing zero correlation with each other.
Honestly, I am a very lazy bird who just happens to do some work by sheer force or habit or due to the jarring voice of conscience which does not let me sleep if I do not do the right thing. Blogging comes in a third category and I honestly have never understood why I do it. There is of course pleasure to be derived from eating, reading, travelling, sleeping and daydreaming. I work well to avoid the pricks of conscience and insomnia. But blogging gives me no pleasure. No one appreciates the thing. I write because I just feel like writing.
There are many things I would have loved to write but refrain from, owing to being part of the executive now.
As an official of the audit department, I get paid now to criticize the government and so I should not be complaining. But honestly, there are far better things I think of doing rather than reading through the pointless files. On an average, an audit report comes up for discussion in the legislature at least two or three years after the irregularity has been commited. It is basically post mortem and is done so that the mistake will not be repeated in future.
People think it is easy for us to catch the wrongdoers. They do not understand the functioning of the government. The paperwork is usually perfect. Only a moron would allow any lapse in the paperwork if he or she intends to commit a fraud or to indulge in corruption.
And of course, there is always the usual comment that audit makes it difficult for the executive to work and that it hampers decision-making. Well, auditors are not the ones who made the acts, rules or regulations. They were framed by the politicians with inputs from the rest of the executive and not necessarily from the auditors. We only judge performances against the benchmarks some people have set for themselves or conformity to a legal framework designed by the people for themselves - how do we manage to get the blame for that? Beats me.
Yet here we are. Taking it all in our stride and wishing for sense to prevail.

Lazy me!

Have been lazy for some time now. I have this problem of alternating between extremes of activity in each area of my life. Luckily two extremes usually do not coincide. Otherwise, I would have gone bonkers.

When I was the President of the Mess at Yarrows, I believed that I would be a really tough boss to please. One of my Directors even told me so. After reaching here I am finding that I am becoming a mildly tolerable one, not the fire-spitting dragon I was to become as per my nightmares.

Probably it is a conscious effort by my sub-conscious mind to stay calm. Or more probably, it is the effect my boss is having on me. She is calm like a still pond always. It seems nothing can be a bee in her bonnet.

There are quite a few officers whom I have met till now who have acquired this nothing-can-wreck-my-peace kind of attitude. It is a pleasure to work with them. You know what would be better? If they could give me feedback about my work.

I have got a pretty thick skin (thanks to Shimla!). And I can take the severest of well-placed criticism without having an emotional turbulence rising in my bloodstream. I just wish somebody would tell me to my face how I am performing.