Home is where heart is

After a long three years, I finally visited my house at Payyanur. I was brought up there and had spent a majority of my lifetime in that small, cute house, surrounded by mango trees from all sides. I was very excited when I found that I would be able to spend a whole day there. So I eagerly waited for the day when we would 'return'. I wanted to savour the experience.

Excitement gave way to wariness once we reached there. The floor was covered with dirt and a coat of dust, at least two centimetres thick. We had to clean the whole house. Since the previous tenants had not paid the electricity bill, the KSEB had cut our connection. There was no water in the tank, and so we had to draw out water from the well to clean this mess. That we had only one bucket in the whole house, did not simplify things much.

By the time dad paid the bill, fine etc. and we had fans rotating above our heads again, the cleaning was completed, thanks to amma. (She is a workaholic. Even if she has no need to do anything, she will create some work for her to do. What rest is to me, work is to her and vice versa.) After that dad went to tame the jungle that had grown around the house in three months of human absence. We were horribly tired.

I felt that the house was not feeling like the old home anymore. Maybe it was because I was tired and I had to do a lot of cleaning. But, many things had changed. Almost all our old neighbours had left the place. Some houses nearby were deserted and many had new tenants in them. I knew almost none.

There were also no ripe mangoes on the trees. No ripe chikus on the chiku tree either. Only the jackfruit tree had ripe fruits but we couldn't take them - we weren't staying long enough to finish one. Finally amma cut down one which was just startin to ripen and packed it. She could almost never bear the thought ofbuying jackfruits or mangoes or coconuts or chikus or papayas or tapioca or spinach or pepper from the market when she knew that all these were growing in plenty in her old backyard but she couldn't use any.

The wall around our house had also changed - it had grown too, making it look almost like a mini-fort in my eyes. I don't like walls.

Even my favourite hangouts - the terrace and the place near the well had changed. A small cycle was dumped on the terrace, and a new tree had grown near the well. There were fish in the well- I don't like them there. I drew water in the perpetual fear of taking out one of the fishes. I don't like the idea. I love fishing, but drawing out a fish would not be fair - this was my thought.

We decided to take an afternoon nap.We didn't have cots to sleep; just some mats and sheets we had taken with us. I missed my soft bed.

While trying to sleep, I felt a deep pain in my heart - I felt like a stranger in my own house. Five years away from here, and I had changed drastically. I used to think that I would not change and till I had reached my old house, I thought I hadn't. Rootlessness.

I thought of Trivandrum - what I would have been doing if I had not come here, whether we would have got our outputs in lab, how I would have spent these days.

Still, as I lay down on the terrace, watching the blue sky and the trees and the birds sitting on the old mango trees,chirping and singing merrily, the same old beautiful melodies before the sunset, I felt that nothing had changed - I was back home.

Madness in mind

"I am compelled to think", or something like that was Dr. Watson's statement in one of the Holmes novels (or a short story, I don't remember which). I am repeating the same statement now. I sincerely hope no one tell me, "I have to", like Holmes said to Watson. (Though I have no doubt that any one who has read the story will be able to refrain from not saying so)

I guess I am going nuts. My main subject of thinking is this : a person who is born blind, regains his sight after many years. When he sees the world, it obviously would not be anything like what he would have thought about it. The concepts of "colour", "hue" etc become reality. It would be a shock for him. Similarly, is it possible that we, the normal human beings are 'blind' in some sort of way? Is it possible that we have lost some power of 'sight' which would enable us to watch other dimensions of space as well? If yes, how would the experience be?

Every time I understand a useful concept, I find that I can view everything associated with it in a new angle. It is a joy to see how two totally different ways of approaching the same problem can yield the same result. Is it lack of enough intelligence that causes me to think that the ways are different or are they actually different? Usually, I find that the former case is true - I am sure it is a very very common phenomenon.

And it is a great joy to finally discover that the two ways are essentially the same, as I have said before.

Am I going nuts?

A day in sari

Sari, the traditional dress of Indian women is a rather long piece of cloth and nothing more. It is the brain of some ancient Indian fashion designer which found out that a rather simple cloth of piece can be worn in such a confounded way to maximise the restriction to movement. Women of various states then found out various ways to get around this problem. The result is the varied ways of wearing sari that we find now. It can be said that it is the dress which has undergone the maximum number of 'experiments'.
Well, now to the topic. Mother helped me wear the sari. That was the least complicated part of all. I found I could not move half as fast as I usually do, after I had worn the sari. I salute all the women who run in their saris to board the buses. Really ladies, you are something!
I took five minutes to get down the stairs. The plaits were always blocking my way! Then came the road. It has a rising slope and I was exhausted by the time I reached the main road. Crossing the road took another ten minutes. I couldn't run and so I had to wait till the road was cleared of vehicles.
Then there was the way back - forget about it. I found out one thing about me - You will have to try real hard to make me wear a sari again!

Bored!

I am having that feeling - you really need to do something to keep your head but can't find anything sensible to do! You would love to paint the whole town red but can't find the paintbrush - that's my condition right now.

I am waiting for getting involved in some kind of activity which will interest me. Unfortunately, I can't find any.
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It is interesting to find that my moods and sensex follow the same cycle- when I feel happy, the sensex goes up and vice versa. Seems like I can make a lot of money if this phenomenon lasts for long :-)
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We have our Electronite today. It is going to be an extravaganza of cultural events. I am, however rather weak on dance and music. ( which means that I can't dance or sing, but would love to watch others perform!) So I am 'jobless' now.
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I really want to do something interesting

Well, I am here again

I am about the laziest fellow I have ever met. Sometimes, you see. Wanted to blog but put it off, telling myself, "There is nothing worthwhile to write about." When I really wanted to blog about something, I found my words becoming too acerbic. I don't like to hurt people. I seldom get angry, but when I do, Hell hath no fury like me. I am the volcano which erupts once every year. I believe that it's fine. You have to let the steam out at least once a year.

The problem is, I feel bad about it usually. But this time, I am not. In fact, I am happy that I got angry. Somebody has to get angry at these fellows for the way in which they treat us. What are we? Puppets? You would think as much if you were in my place. And, by God, the Chief Guest was absolutely the biggest Idiot I have ever seen in my entire life. To serve in hell would have been a better option than to listen to his speech. O Lord! I have come to this! Half an hour of pure, 24 carat gibberish. Even the squealing of babies make more sense.

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Stock markets going down is an unpleasant change after daily reports of " Sensex reaches yet another high" The biggest issue in my house right now is "Whether U.S will go into recession?" I really hope that it only slows down a bit, and not recede. With the global economy so heavily dependent on it, the U.S economy in recession would be a 'nightmare come true'.
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What is wrong with the banks?

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At Random

Don't really have anything to write about. I am pining here for a full-fledged working day at college.I am fed up with holidays, free hours and the stuff. Give me some food for thought. Idleness is killing me inch by inch.
It is not that I don't have any work to do - a project this semester, three assignments to be completed soon. It is just that I am feeling totally uninterested. Half of the assignments have been completed but there is no satisfaction in doing this work. I wish something would come my way and make my life a bit more interesting - a good puzzle, maybe!
I am bored of Clinton- Obama news. Political news should be banned. I am bored to death with political news.
IPL is becoming sickening. Man, how much more should they play and we watch? This is sheer insanity! They should promote some other game if we are to retain our sanity!
Why on earth should Northern Rock be not nationalised.? My sympathies are with Mr. Darling, like any Indian.
Ah! The world is getting funnier with Kosovo. I can make neither the head nor the tail out of it!
Fidel Castro stepped down. As if it mattered! His brother was in charge for a long time now.
I am tired with hartals, bandhs and all forms of 'non-violent' movements which restrict the freedom of individuals to do what they want. No one seems to understand!