The Balore Wars

Though everyone in Ai knew that they were actually ruled by the rich and the powerful, the politicians at least acted as if the Mangoman (a mythical fellow like Shamrock Jolnes or Santa Claus. This fellow was seen only once in five years: at the time of elections.) controlled them. "Whatever they did, it was for the Mangoman. They thought only of him. They worshipped him; would lay down their lives for him."

All this was, however until the Balore wars, which turned out to be a turning point in the history of Ai. The Balore war marked the beginning of naked, shameless display of the power of money in the politics(till then, at least they wore bikinis!). It showed the people what the politicians would have to bear if they turned out to be a wee bit more scrupulous than the Lucifer(I guess Lucifer will now file for defamation!)

Balore was the capital city of Kan. Kan had its name changed once, and Balore too, had its name changed from Balore to Baloru as soon as Yapa was elected as the CM of Kan. Yapa had a lady, Sho as his confidante and she, as is usual is the case with pet ministers, was interfering in the work of all other ministries. Yapa belonged to the XYZ party. It was helped to attain powerby the Rotty brothers, two warlords in Bary. They poured in so much money in the elections that Ganga considered her reputation as the 'Giver of Wealth' gone with the wind that blew. She considered linking with other rivers to put up a united front against all these. After all, the rivers had to bear all the sins of these fellows. They were becoming so polluted nowadays, that instead of being purified, a man was sure to roast in hell if he took a bath in one of the rivers of Ai.

To Rotty brothers, however had not done all this for displacing Ganga. They had understood, like our old Godfather Corleone that political power is equivalent to ten regimes. (The Ambani brothers know this too, though they don't have regimes. And the elder one knows better! ) They were rich and powerful and unlike Ambani brothers, did not fight among themselves. They were as close to each other as Ram and Lakshman were, like Krishna and Balram were but unhappily lacked most of the good qualities of all of the above mentioned rulers and couldn't prevent Lord Indra from pouring out his wrath on the people of Kan. (To be fair, nor was Yapa able to do it. But this is Kaliyuga. Even the holy RXX feels it.)

So Kan was flooded, and the Rotty brothers alleged that it was because of the actions of Yapa and Sho that Lord Indra was angry. They wanted Yapa removed.

Yapa was a fool.(Forgive me for this outburst, but I'll tell you why.) Nobody in his right senses (I wonder whether it was because a politician that he hadn't the 'right' senses!) would go for such an all-out attack on his chief benefactor, his chief patron without considering all options. History is a mute spectator to the debacles of Sangma, Heptuallah, Pawar etc, etc. In these cases, no money was involved; even then the downfalls were spectacular, to say the least. Here, the Mammon was involved too, and so the bets were incredibly against Yapa.

My dear readers let me advice you thus: If you are a politician, and you are in power, never move against those with whom Mammon is pleased. Otherwise you'll have to share the fate of Job.

Power and honesty were never bedfellows. Nor will they be, ever.

The people thought that their CM had gone mad when he said he would tax the Rotty bros and tried to rein in the officials of the Bary district.

What could the Rotty bros do? And oh! what did they do? They struck back with such a vengeance than Medusa would have thought of changing her hairstyle for something better, in case she were living. They laid mines on all the highways the CM was expected to travel.

And what could the CM do? He cried, he wailed for the leadership to help him. But neither the national leaders of XYZ(there were far too many of them. I fear they exceed the population of Gods in India.), nor the RXX, nor his own supporters, not even his community could save him. You see, mines evoke fear in the minds. And Mammon rules the weak!

A thunderbolt, far more damaging than that of Indra, had struck Yapa - that of fate, that of the Rotty brothers!

Now, the XYZ had a famous lady doc, Sush Swa, who was close to the Rotty bros. She had suspected from the beginning that Yapa was actually under some spell cast by Sho. Or else how could a politician have the craziness to be honest in Ai. She fixed some appointments with him and brought in the Rotty brothers as well. Within a week, the war ended with all of them shaking their hands. Sho was removed. Yapa cried. For what, we do not know. Rotty bros were given back the control of Bary. The taxes were withdrawn. They declared victory. There were many small episodes of fierce battles, but they do not matter now.

The whole thing reminds me of Bollywood movies. But alas, this one reads more like one of Chanakya's conquests than Panchatantra.

Yapa and the people learnt the following lessons from this episode:

Politicians are never honest. They can never afford to be so.

Sometimes family dynasties are good. Especially, if you have a Rotty against you - whether it is one of the bros or a son.

You can fight the power of Mammon only if your forefathers were intelligent enough to leave you a legacy of being the unquestioned rulers of the country. Otherwise, you stand no chance.

Never fight against anything openly - neither the Holy Cows nor the Mammon if you want to retain your chair.


And above all,

"Anywhere in the Universe, though political power is derived from the plebeians; in the end, it is the power, and it is only the power, that matters. The concerns of the subjects are always secondary to the pursuit of the power; it doesn't matter if thunder strikes them or typhoons swallow them. The only thing that guides and should guide a politician is the lust for power."

Mangoman smiled at me now.

(Coming up next: "Ai and Chi: The Real Story" or "Love Thy Neighbour")