Today I overheard a wiseguy cracking jokes about the GoI, inspired by Physics. I am sharing them with you.
Newton's laws:
1. GoI, if at rest, remains at rest and if in motion, tends to go into rest unless a force is applied to keep it in motion.
2. The acceleration (if at all produced) will be directly proportional to the public support or the influence of the person applying the force, in relation to the department that has to move.
3. Every (public) reaction may be followed by an opposite action by the government which will, however, never be equal to the 'reaction'. It will always be either less or much more than the public reaction; i.e., public will never get what it wants. Also, action will always FOLLOW the reaction.
Relativity applied to GoI:
A person who has to get his file cleared at an office and the official handling his file will have totally different perceptions about the concept of 'time'. The difference will however depend on the 'connections' of the former.
Moore's law in GoI:
The number of files to be cleared from a table gets doubled every 18 months. This figure is independent of the use of technology or personnel.
Physicists worry about the number of dimensions the universe has got, its present and its future. For us, the biggest mystery is how GoI finally gets what it wants.
Tuesday, 7 June 2011
Saturday, 4 June 2011
Never Trust
Never trust the smiling faces.
They hide what lie beneath.
For smiles are bought and sold today.
Never trust the tears you see.
They are never truthful these days.
For glycereine is cheap to buy.
Never trust anyone's love.
Love doesn't exist anymore.
For this is the age of lust and dust.
Never trust yourself today.
Nor the words of the wise
For all life is folly, and all men fools.
They hide what lie beneath.
For smiles are bought and sold today.
Never trust the tears you see.
They are never truthful these days.
For glycereine is cheap to buy.
Never trust anyone's love.
Love doesn't exist anymore.
For this is the age of lust and dust.
Never trust yourself today.
Nor the words of the wise
For all life is folly, and all men fools.
Friday, 27 May 2011
Accountability
'Accountability' is one of the most commonly used words in relation to government and governance all over the world today. From the U.S. to Afghanistan, citizens are not satisfied with their governments on account of this one factor: an apparent lack of accountability among persons in power.
With the state assuming more responsibilities replacing the traditional agencies, it has assumed more power too, in order to 'increase efficiency'. All projects are projected to be more or less efficient in the beginning. Then, slowly, they either become inefficient or the problems that were swept under the carpet in the earlier phases slowly come out. In the first case, the people in charge are to be punished. But what happens in the latter case? The current office-holders are held to be accountable for the actions of their predecessors. And the real mischief-makers continue to enjoy their 'efficient' status. The double standards in the treatment meted out to their contemporary officers tend to silence the honest people who want to blow the whistle about their departments.
They are left in a dilemma: to whom are they accountable? To their organisation, to their profession, to the taxpayer or to their conscience. Mind you, in real life, all may have different requirements. And the taxpayer is invisible and has no apparent means of checking what is happening. Blowing the whistle may disrupt the functioning of the organisation which may be trying to return to accountability after a long time of 'making up the stats'. And acting according to your conscience may force one to quit his/her job at a time when s/he desperately needs it. The problem that seems to haunt one person may appear silly to others.
It is very much like the case of a single working mother. By her very nature, she would like to spend her time with the child. But to ensure its survival and future prospects, she has to work. One part of her dies everyday.
The same is the case with an honest worker. The conflict between the various accountabilities may make them look unaccountable. But, in truth, they are as honest as everyone else.
Still, it would be better to make the taxpayer your first priority. Look at what happened in Japan. Someone in the government might have surely known about the danger of having the plant on the fault. But hey, 'an earthquake of 9.0 magnitude is improbable' and it was so till it occurred. Even the smallest mistakes we commit today, knowingly or unknowingly, might have wider ramifications in the future. The only safeguard we can have is to keep the information as open as possible and fix the accountability precisely where it should be.
We cannot and we should not blame people totally innocent of a crime their predecessors had committed. That takes initiative out of the system. And we need to make the invisible taxpayer more visible. Right to information, citizens' charter and social audits are welcome steps but the objective will be achieved only when the organisations themselves provide the information to the public rather than waiting for formal requests.
In this case, the objective and the means to achieve it are the same.
With the state assuming more responsibilities replacing the traditional agencies, it has assumed more power too, in order to 'increase efficiency'. All projects are projected to be more or less efficient in the beginning. Then, slowly, they either become inefficient or the problems that were swept under the carpet in the earlier phases slowly come out. In the first case, the people in charge are to be punished. But what happens in the latter case? The current office-holders are held to be accountable for the actions of their predecessors. And the real mischief-makers continue to enjoy their 'efficient' status. The double standards in the treatment meted out to their contemporary officers tend to silence the honest people who want to blow the whistle about their departments.
They are left in a dilemma: to whom are they accountable? To their organisation, to their profession, to the taxpayer or to their conscience. Mind you, in real life, all may have different requirements. And the taxpayer is invisible and has no apparent means of checking what is happening. Blowing the whistle may disrupt the functioning of the organisation which may be trying to return to accountability after a long time of 'making up the stats'. And acting according to your conscience may force one to quit his/her job at a time when s/he desperately needs it. The problem that seems to haunt one person may appear silly to others.
It is very much like the case of a single working mother. By her very nature, she would like to spend her time with the child. But to ensure its survival and future prospects, she has to work. One part of her dies everyday.
The same is the case with an honest worker. The conflict between the various accountabilities may make them look unaccountable. But, in truth, they are as honest as everyone else.
Still, it would be better to make the taxpayer your first priority. Look at what happened in Japan. Someone in the government might have surely known about the danger of having the plant on the fault. But hey, 'an earthquake of 9.0 magnitude is improbable' and it was so till it occurred. Even the smallest mistakes we commit today, knowingly or unknowingly, might have wider ramifications in the future. The only safeguard we can have is to keep the information as open as possible and fix the accountability precisely where it should be.
We cannot and we should not blame people totally innocent of a crime their predecessors had committed. That takes initiative out of the system. And we need to make the invisible taxpayer more visible. Right to information, citizens' charter and social audits are welcome steps but the objective will be achieved only when the organisations themselves provide the information to the public rather than waiting for formal requests.
In this case, the objective and the means to achieve it are the same.
Monday, 23 May 2011
Osama's Death and Indian Silence
A significant majority of the people all around the world rejoiced as the U.S. SEALs killed Osama at his secret residence in Abbottabad in Pakistan. Indians were especially relieved as the episode led to a confirmation of the Indian stand that Pakistan can never be a trusted ally in the 'war against terror' as elements in the Pakistani security establishment continue to support terror groups of varied shades in order to further their interests in Afghanistan and Kashmir.
Their continued support of the Haqqani group in Afghanistan and LeT and other related groups in Pakistan defies the Bushian logic of 'You're with us or you're with them'. The fact is, the identification of these terror groups with Islam and the overwhelming spread of anti-U.S. and anti-India sentiments in Pakistan makes it difficult for any government to do anything against the terrorists even if its leaders genuinely want to do something. Given the close ties between the defence forces and the terror groups which were formed, nurtured and strengthened over the past decades, winning the war against terror in Pakistan seems impossible. That a good number of Pakistanis consider Osama to be a martyr and a that a majority felt sad about the killing came as no surprise to the people of India.
Still, Osama's death creates more threats to India. The increased incidence of terror attacks on Pakistani military installations show that the terror groups see the Pak defence forces as 'betrayers' who sold Osama to the U.S. in return for aid. The ease with which these terrorist groups entered and attacked these installations raises the question of the safety of the nuclear weapons in that country. In the current scenario, it is almost difficult to believe that Pakistan will be able to prevent the terrorists from gaining access to its nuclear arsenal if the latter make a determined attempt to do so.
The attacks also show that the grip of the ISI and Pak army on these terror groups is loosening. The pattern in which targets have been selcted and the manner in which the attacks have been carried out seem to proclaim a growing animosity towards the 'remote control owners' in the Pak defence forces. This is a dangerous trend as mad dogs on a leash are 'safer' than the ones which do not have a leash. Pak army used to control these groups to further their interests and nothing much else. Now that the control is almost gone, the future seems more terrifying than the past.
With the death of Osama and the seemingly unending attacks on the security apparatus, the rank and file of the army must be feeling heavily demoralised. The regard for the army in the country too might now be at an all-time-low. This might lead its leaders to opt for an easy way to boost morale - attack India. The subdued reactions of Indian leaders to the events in Pakistan are not due to lack of patriotism - they have been carefully worded so as not to push the Pak leadership over the brink. Pakistan does not have much to lose now - its economy is in tatters, the credibility of its defence forces is diminished and its claim to territorial sovereignity is nothing more than a joke now thanks to the publicity given to the drone attacks and the Swat valley incident. That a government would, even if temporarily, allow an extremist group with no credible popular mandate to govern its territory is frightening. It showed how weak the Pakistani government is. The time it took to finally decide to strike back makes us wonder how prepared Pakistan is to counter an extremist takeover of the entire country or even a strategic portion of it.
Now that Osama's death has prompted the terrorist groups in Pakistan to strike back against their masters, India needs to be more worried than ever. Grand statements against the official rulers of Pakistan, which our opposition parties demand, may satisfy the home audience. But the price we may have to pay for them makes it an easy decision to take.
Their continued support of the Haqqani group in Afghanistan and LeT and other related groups in Pakistan defies the Bushian logic of 'You're with us or you're with them'. The fact is, the identification of these terror groups with Islam and the overwhelming spread of anti-U.S. and anti-India sentiments in Pakistan makes it difficult for any government to do anything against the terrorists even if its leaders genuinely want to do something. Given the close ties between the defence forces and the terror groups which were formed, nurtured and strengthened over the past decades, winning the war against terror in Pakistan seems impossible. That a good number of Pakistanis consider Osama to be a martyr and a that a majority felt sad about the killing came as no surprise to the people of India.
Still, Osama's death creates more threats to India. The increased incidence of terror attacks on Pakistani military installations show that the terror groups see the Pak defence forces as 'betrayers' who sold Osama to the U.S. in return for aid. The ease with which these terrorist groups entered and attacked these installations raises the question of the safety of the nuclear weapons in that country. In the current scenario, it is almost difficult to believe that Pakistan will be able to prevent the terrorists from gaining access to its nuclear arsenal if the latter make a determined attempt to do so.
The attacks also show that the grip of the ISI and Pak army on these terror groups is loosening. The pattern in which targets have been selcted and the manner in which the attacks have been carried out seem to proclaim a growing animosity towards the 'remote control owners' in the Pak defence forces. This is a dangerous trend as mad dogs on a leash are 'safer' than the ones which do not have a leash. Pak army used to control these groups to further their interests and nothing much else. Now that the control is almost gone, the future seems more terrifying than the past.
With the death of Osama and the seemingly unending attacks on the security apparatus, the rank and file of the army must be feeling heavily demoralised. The regard for the army in the country too might now be at an all-time-low. This might lead its leaders to opt for an easy way to boost morale - attack India. The subdued reactions of Indian leaders to the events in Pakistan are not due to lack of patriotism - they have been carefully worded so as not to push the Pak leadership over the brink. Pakistan does not have much to lose now - its economy is in tatters, the credibility of its defence forces is diminished and its claim to territorial sovereignity is nothing more than a joke now thanks to the publicity given to the drone attacks and the Swat valley incident. That a government would, even if temporarily, allow an extremist group with no credible popular mandate to govern its territory is frightening. It showed how weak the Pakistani government is. The time it took to finally decide to strike back makes us wonder how prepared Pakistan is to counter an extremist takeover of the entire country or even a strategic portion of it.
Now that Osama's death has prompted the terrorist groups in Pakistan to strike back against their masters, India needs to be more worried than ever. Grand statements against the official rulers of Pakistan, which our opposition parties demand, may satisfy the home audience. But the price we may have to pay for them makes it an easy decision to take.
Sunday, 22 May 2011
A Malabar Monkey in a Military Mess
I have always hated spoons and forks and knives - even when not eating with them. Even when I try to cook, I try not to use them. Anything with a handle repels me. In restaurants, when the waiters would place spoons alongside dishes for eating, I would move them as far from my dish as possible. I was addicted to eating with fingers - the traditional Indian way of eating. The only thing I ate with a spoon was the ice cream.
All that has changed since I reached Poone. The mess here encourages eating with forks, knives and spoons. And the word 'encourages' means the same thing as in 'China 'encourages' the single child policy.' At first I resisted, continuing to eat with my fingers as long as dad was around. But as soon as dad went back, my courage ditched me and I started to eat with those steel contraptions.
I have to thank the internet for saving me from starvation. I did not have a clue about the rules governing these 'weapons of destruction'. So sought refuge in Google and lo and behold! I was turning into a master of the theoretical aspects of both the continental and the American style.
But theory is a bit different from practice. Fork and spoon are used here more often than fork and knife. And cutting the roti with a spoon can lead to awkward situations. So improvisation became necessary. Ditto with chicken curry. Thus, eating, for me, has become a 'learning exercise' than a process to enjoy the food!
I would not say that I have reached the 'expert' level in the game of these contraptions. I still keep making mistakes. But I hope I have moved into 'Medium' from 'Easy'.
The biggest achievement would be to eat puttu made of punja rice with a fork and a knife. That would be the 'expert' level.
All that has changed since I reached Poone. The mess here encourages eating with forks, knives and spoons. And the word 'encourages' means the same thing as in 'China 'encourages' the single child policy.' At first I resisted, continuing to eat with my fingers as long as dad was around. But as soon as dad went back, my courage ditched me and I started to eat with those steel contraptions.
I have to thank the internet for saving me from starvation. I did not have a clue about the rules governing these 'weapons of destruction'. So sought refuge in Google and lo and behold! I was turning into a master of the theoretical aspects of both the continental and the American style.
But theory is a bit different from practice. Fork and spoon are used here more often than fork and knife. And cutting the roti with a spoon can lead to awkward situations. So improvisation became necessary. Ditto with chicken curry. Thus, eating, for me, has become a 'learning exercise' than a process to enjoy the food!
I would not say that I have reached the 'expert' level in the game of these contraptions. I still keep making mistakes. But I hope I have moved into 'Medium' from 'Easy'.
The biggest achievement would be to eat puttu made of punja rice with a fork and a knife. That would be the 'expert' level.
Friday, 20 May 2011
An Apology
What I really want to write now is a scathing article on the ineptness of the government which did not even bother to double-check the names in the 'Most wanted' list given to Pakistan, which hoped to arrest Kim Davy in Denmark with an expired warrant and other innumerable sins of omission and commission - some celebrated by the media and others buried deep in the files which will never be opened again.
The thing is, it is pointless to complain. Indian government is hopelessly inept these days in many areas that citizens expect it to be efficient. The government on the other hand, consider these to be the areas that require least attention.
Everyone knows what Pakistan will do with our 'Most wanted' list, even if it was correct - they will have a good laugh over the Indian government which 'expects' it to hand over Dawood Ibrahim and punish the 26/11 perpetrators. So both the GoI and the GoP know that the handing over of the list is a mere exercise to reassure the Indian citizens that the government exists. It does not matter which names are on the list. Nobody from the government on either side bothers to read it. But only this time the media played the spoilsport.
About Kim Davy. What happens after India arrests him? We will house him in a five-star jail, conduct a long trial, then watch as he appeals to the HC and then to the SC with 'breaking news' about the 'shocking revelations' about 'those in power'. And the great Indian middle class will add a few extra layers of skin and become more dumb and more deaf as the tamasha progresses. Which leads me to believe that CBI's intention might habe been more altruistic than we give it credit for. After all, the government is trying to reduce deficit by committing even the suicidal act of increasing petrol prices by unheard-of amounts though MPs who do not even attend the Parliament regularly get paid obscene amounts just because they are 'HMSs' (his/her master's servants). So the CBI was actually doing the taxpayer a favour by not creating another 'Kasabish' situation. But, what were these idiots in the media thinking of? Don't they think that we have to make up for the loss of two lakh crore rupees?
The GoI is not inept, nor is it stupid. In a world where economists are given a free hand, you can always expect rotting foodgrains and malnourished people because that makes 'economic sense', obscenely low limit for the poverty line because a government that can spend lakhs on a few rolls of toilet paper cannot 'afford' to acknowledge the actual level of poverty in the country if it has to control its deficit. When fiscal deficit becomes more important than government deficit, and now, even moral deficit, what hope can the citizens have?
India's tryst with destiny began at midnight and unfortunately, a majority have still not had a glimpse of the sun that is now surely rising. Confined to the darkness by insurmountable barriers of corruption, illiteracy, nepotism and misgovernance, the majority still find life to be a struggle for existence.
And I am a hippocrat too,blogging about the struggling millions from an aiconditioned room from a gadget those people may never even dream of owning.
The thing is, it is pointless to complain. Indian government is hopelessly inept these days in many areas that citizens expect it to be efficient. The government on the other hand, consider these to be the areas that require least attention.
Everyone knows what Pakistan will do with our 'Most wanted' list, even if it was correct - they will have a good laugh over the Indian government which 'expects' it to hand over Dawood Ibrahim and punish the 26/11 perpetrators. So both the GoI and the GoP know that the handing over of the list is a mere exercise to reassure the Indian citizens that the government exists. It does not matter which names are on the list. Nobody from the government on either side bothers to read it. But only this time the media played the spoilsport.
About Kim Davy. What happens after India arrests him? We will house him in a five-star jail, conduct a long trial, then watch as he appeals to the HC and then to the SC with 'breaking news' about the 'shocking revelations' about 'those in power'. And the great Indian middle class will add a few extra layers of skin and become more dumb and more deaf as the tamasha progresses. Which leads me to believe that CBI's intention might habe been more altruistic than we give it credit for. After all, the government is trying to reduce deficit by committing even the suicidal act of increasing petrol prices by unheard-of amounts though MPs who do not even attend the Parliament regularly get paid obscene amounts just because they are 'HMSs' (his/her master's servants). So the CBI was actually doing the taxpayer a favour by not creating another 'Kasabish' situation. But, what were these idiots in the media thinking of? Don't they think that we have to make up for the loss of two lakh crore rupees?
The GoI is not inept, nor is it stupid. In a world where economists are given a free hand, you can always expect rotting foodgrains and malnourished people because that makes 'economic sense', obscenely low limit for the poverty line because a government that can spend lakhs on a few rolls of toilet paper cannot 'afford' to acknowledge the actual level of poverty in the country if it has to control its deficit. When fiscal deficit becomes more important than government deficit, and now, even moral deficit, what hope can the citizens have?
India's tryst with destiny began at midnight and unfortunately, a majority have still not had a glimpse of the sun that is now surely rising. Confined to the darkness by insurmountable barriers of corruption, illiteracy, nepotism and misgovernance, the majority still find life to be a struggle for existence.
And I am a hippocrat too,blogging about the struggling millions from an aiconditioned room from a gadget those people may never even dream of owning.
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