Democracy

Finally Mr. Musharraf has taken over as the 'civilian' President of Pakistan. The whole thing was the neatest farce I ever saw in my entire life. It was so disgusting!

Quite honestly, I am more glad to be an Indian than ever. If any of our leaders would have ever tried to remove even a lower court judge so that an adverse judgement may be delayed, his/her government would have fallen the very next day. What a hue and cry it would have aroused! There, in Pakistan, almost no one else barring the lawyers and some students protested. I wonder how a ruler can impose an emergency on his country for such whimsical, vague reasons and people submit to it, without complaining.

I believe the reason clearly lies in the strength of our democracy. Though we speak 0f it in the most unforgivable terms, I shudder to think of the situation under a dictatorial rule. Our neighbouring countries seem to have developed a magnificent degree of tolerance for such regimes, which disgusts me.

Democracy, with all its pitfalls and failings, is the most legitimate form of government that man has ever known. It gives power and voice to the millions; the ruled have their say in the government. Revolutions are bloodless and it gives the citizens a much needed confidence.

I must admit that politicians become power-hungry and corrupt, but at least people can have a check on their activities. What happens in the case of a dictator - you cannot imagine him/her to be just and benevolent always. People are left helpless if s/he decides to resort to inhuman tactics to suppress the opposition against him/her. Moreover, democracy, in almost all cases supports and is supported by an independent and impartial judiciary which will save the citizens' rights even if the government takes wrong steps.

All Indians must be really grateful to leaders like Nehru, who could have turned our institutions into mere stooges by the charismatic hold they had on the public. They chose to strengthen them instead. Whatever the follies they are accused of, we have a duty to be thankful to them and our dear motherland for giving us this free air to breathe.

Cutting hair

The easiest way to be noticed by everyone in your college, if you have hair of at least a moderate length, is to bob it. You should have looked at the incredulous eyes looking at me, their jaws dropping as I got out of the college bus. Persons who had never ever spoken to me earlier, came to me saying, "You cut your hair!" All my friends were shocked beyond belief for some time. I admit I was having a ball with so much of attention fixed on me.

It was a mistake, I freely admit. I should have been more sensible. But it is done and I can't do a thing about it until nature remedies it. For the first time in my memory, for a whole day, my parents didn't speak of bank - that they were busy firing me is no consolation, though. About sixty per cent of the people liked the hairstyle, thirty percent were neutral in their opinion and the remaining were vehemently against it.

It is fun though, my cold and fever have almost subsided and I needn't bother too much about my hair. I cannot decide on whether I am looking reasonabe or downright awful, judging by my image in the mirror.

My favourite reactions.
Anju-Dropped her jaw. Then started laughing and was squirming almost for a whole week.
Mom-"Where's the rest?"
Dad-A sarcastic smile. Then "Why didn't you shave it all off?" (Followed by a torrent of advice on why I shouldn't cut my hair)

Reflections

It wasn't until I reached the college that I realised how great my parents really are. I never realised how terrific a school atmosphere I had the luck to enjoy.They never stopped me from chasing my dreams, let me be who I was, and never said that I was in a disadvantaged position as a girl. Instead, they always thought I could reach greater heights, that I shouldn't be 'one among the crowd', but that I must stand out. In spite of their many reservations, they let me take engineering as a career option, and now, when I almost regret it, they are supporting me in the attempt to get into a management course.

I do not know if many girls are this lucky. In fact, I have heard many of our relatives say, " So you have two girls", and my mom would say, "They are better than boys". ( At home, however, looking at how we make a mess of the whole place, she would say, "They are worse than boys")

I do not claim that girls are better than boys. They are equals. Each person has his or her own high points. That's what my parents taught me. And my experience as well. At my old school, for every competition, we had boys and girls fighting it out for the prize. There was no kind of discrimination. We were friends. In fact, almost till getting out of the school, I never even really bothered whether my friends were boys or girls. Coming here, however, has changed all that.

This is almost a damned conservative society where society draws strict lines between the genders. Can't a boy and a girl be just friends ? I too seem to be drawing unnecessary lines everywhere. This wasn't my bringing up.

I was brought up to be confident, to live my life on my own terms and most importantly,
'Be myself'.
I had forgotten that; I am reminding myself now that I needn't be a coward like this.
Let's see how I will live up to my expectations.

Feeling guilty

I am losing my sleep over a stupid poem that I shouldn't have written in the first place. I hurt a lot of people today and am feeling extremely bad about it. The worst part is that they are keeping quiet about it. If they had come and quarrelled with me, I would have felt more at peace with myself. Even that pleasure has been denied to me. Their dignified silence is aggravating my insomania.

Oh! Wretched me! I am here to atone for my sin - my conscience does not stop for a second while accusing me of hurting the feelings of my fellow beings! What do I do? I dare not apologise to them in public, for I do not know how they are going to take it.

The problem is, sometimes I can't seem to understand what I am doing. Hope those fellows will understand and forgive me. I am feeling really miserable.

I don't know

Quite honestly, I do not know what I should write about. Life right now seems to be like a ship going through perfectly calm waters, sailing with the gentle breeze, so gentle that I fear I might get stranded.

I do not seem to have any problem in my life right now, which worries me as I have nothing else to worry about. Except for a few words with mom - she objects to my reading books (novels) for almost the entire time I spend at home.

Completed reading 'The Tin Drum'. My Lord, what a book! It is so powerful, with not a single word wasted, each won carrying a deep meaning that I was going snail pace with it. I couldn't keep it down, I have never come across a book like that, and I don't think there would be a book like that ever again. No wonder he won the Nobel Prize. I thought I would write a summary, but, no, I don't like to make an atrocious image of that spellbinding book just to satisfy my whims. Reading it was an exercise to the intellect. Wonder how anyone can write like that! Genius of first order!

Meanwhile, on all other fronts, life continues as usual.

Weight loss

I have always had the dubious distinction of being one of the fatter souls of the class. No matter whatever I did to get rid of this coveted position, these extra kgs are deeply in love with me, and are always with me - just like a shadow.

What can I do? Two weeks ago, I started my walks again. I say 'again', just because I have tried this route before, and to my dismay, found that I always gained weight whether I walked or not. It seems that even drinking water made my body gain weight; no, I must say that the act of taking in air alone is enough for me to put on a few more kilos!

I am perpetually envious of those blessed souls who don't put on weight how much ever they eat. I would do anything to get a boon like that.

I gave up walking. It was not doing me any good, as usual. So I dug up my skipping rope and started skipping again. I believe I have lost some weight because my sis says that I look like an elephant now. Before that,she used to tell me that I was an adult blue whale.

Well, I hate to think how I would look after I shed some weight. I particularly didn't like Adnan Sami's looks after he lost his weight. He was so cute and chubby before.

Wonder how I will look like???